My engagement party…10 and 27 years old.
She said: I’ve learned to pay attention. To pay a different kind of attention; one that’s longer in nature.
Losing someone like him in the sudden way we did changes you just as sure as land is never the same after a heavy rain.
After waking more and more to your new life after loss, I’ve noticed that, in most ways, time and life has slowed. Consciously yes and also what feels like unconsciously. Your nervous system, emotional, spiritual and physical self are not the same. There’s a real human stretching quality to it.
More specifically, you look around and notice. If you looked once before, all of the sudden it’s twice. Like the tweaking of an antenna you start to become more finely tuned to all of life’s greatest mysteries not the least of which is that beauty, your betterment and all of life’s bliss remains in the small, in the detail and in the recognizing that we have so much more control of our time than our more rushed selves like to believe.
{Are you spending it doing what you love with those that you love?}
This loss has showed me a new level of paying attention. It’s helped me notice the black bird that has over the last couple months chosen to sit on our white fence in front of the house. He’s cute, rad and round, jet, jet black and is one of the most relaxed, nonchalant winged little creatures I’ve ever seen. When I pull up to the house, I never get out of the car right away. In fact, I sit. Just as he does. And in those 2-3 minutes, we share that space in time. And I can’t tell you how good it feels. I continue to watch past those 2-3 minutes sometimes and as I do I feel how much he loves to lift his wings, shift a bit, settle back in his “seat” and look around at the world. Likely, a world he’s seen many, many times before, just as I have. And yet, it feels like he’s there for the first time.
Now as I sit writing this at 35,000 feet heading to Vancouver, Canada I couldn’t help but notice the Dad sitting to my left writing a “Cute Memories” list. At the top it said “4 Years Old: She showed me how to hold a fancy glass.” It is so unbelievably fitting I should sit next to him as I write this new Discoveries in Death piece.
{Seize your moment to hold and really feel that fancy glass in your hand}
As I journey through the full fourth month without my brother and as I get on a plane tomorrow headed back to Miami, the city where his beautiful big heart stopped beating, I’m reminded of the strength we all have. The strength we have to create what we want to be a part of everyday and how that sends out a ripple effect for not just the very next moment or person it touches but for many moments and people to come. I’m also constantly reminded of what a beautiful honor it is to have been a part of such a big and loyal love as this. The photo above is just one of many of special times we shared.
One hour, two days, three weeks and four months later it hurts and, if I’m honest, in ways it hurts more now. There’s no denying the pain (that’s human) yet as I’ve mentioned in other Discoveries in Death writings, the suffering can be optional.
Dino left a massive love in my heart from 22 amazing years together and I choose today to feel that this is the very reserve that will help to heal not only my broken heart but the broken hearts of my Mom, Dad and brother.
In the seizing of today, I’m very much reminded of something else; something I share with women entrepreneur clients often. And it’s this: whatever we put off another day most likely becomes another year so, it’s our loving duty to ourselves and to those we love deeply and madly, to not delay our doing, or as in the case of this writing, our not doing.
Today is the day. To do or not do. To speed up or slow down. Only we know which will bring us the most peace, joy, connection, worth and healing.
Today’s momtra: When I lose, I don’t lose the lesson.
He said: What She said.
{We’re finding humor in each other and in as much as we can everyday}.
The post [he said, she said #6] Discoveries in Death appeared first on Walking Momtra | Focus on Your Happiness and Raise Happiness.
